so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
