I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
