I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
