So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
