Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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