Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
