We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
