Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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