Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
