I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
