no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
