I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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