i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so let's talk penis.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
