I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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