i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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