If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
