Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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