haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
