White coat. Heels.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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