fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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