I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
