It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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