We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
