wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
