you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
