hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
