zippers are such a cool invention
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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