atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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