Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
