there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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