His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
