when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
