i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
