im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
