She said her name was "party"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
