We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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