Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
