Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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