Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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