had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize