you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am spending my child support on dildos
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
