After last night, I could never be a politician.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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