More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
