im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Randomize
