who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
