And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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