If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
