If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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