I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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