You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
