He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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