I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
