***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
