hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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