I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
