This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
