We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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