you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
