don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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