It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
