I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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