I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
