Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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