...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
