two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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