it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
