plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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