I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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