This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
