dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
