If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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